


I just need to be needed (like to know im crossing someone's mind)

by KSven (KarateSven)



Series: Cause I gotta have faith [1]
Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Just some gals, having a chat on a roof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarateSven/pseuds/KSven
Summary: The girls have a quiet moment to themselves for once.
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Series: Cause I gotta have faith [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1854451
Comments: 21
Kudos: 439





	I just need to be needed (like to know im crossing someone's mind)

**Author's Note:**

> (title is from the song Wanted by OneRepublic) I wrote this in two days and I definitely didnt get it beta'd. All in all I hope you guys enjoy

_It’s quiet out here,_ she thinks, breathing in the early morning air. She can see the reddish tint of the horizon, a clear sign that the sky is going to change from indigo to blue in an hour or two but she doesn’t move. Even despite the time and how exhausted she is, mentally and physically, Ava stays where she is. 

She, Beatrice, Lilith, and Camila had managed to pull Mary out of the throng of possessed people before running from the chaos of arguably the worst night of their lives. Mother Superion had discreetly sent them the address to a safe house, far outside the city, and now the five of them are camped out in a small cabin, hiding from the rest of the OCS. 

All in all, it’s been a shit day for everyone.

And even then, Ava _still_ can’t sleep.

For hours, she tried; she curled up on a small couch in the living room and no matter how warm her blankets were, or how calming hearing Lilith’s breathing from a few feet away, Ava couldn’t relax. Her mind was churning with thoughts, sensations, and memories that weren’t entirely hers. She gave it the old college try, but it looked like sleep wasn’t coming to her that night. 

So here she was, on the roof. Staring at the stars, willing them to give her answers.

“You know,” she says “it’d be nice to have some guidance.” She looks up into the night sky and it remains as it always has; silent and impassive. “If I’m supposed to be your champion, the least you could do is tell me how I screwed this up. How I can make it right.”

The sky doesn’t answer her, no one does. Instead she just hears the crickets chirping and the birds slowly starting to wake up from their slumber. Ava slumps against the roof, letting her fingers dig into the clay tiles just a little bit; just to give her something to feel.

“Please,” she says, voice cracking. “I don’t know what to do.” She stares hard at the expanse of blue, waiting for an answer. It reminds her of all the times she would stare up at the ceiling of her shared bedroom with Diego, sending out silent prayers that no one ever answered. Ava sighs, the sound whooshing out of her in an exasperated breath.

“Okay, fine.” She slouches forward, brings her hands back to her lap so that she can clasp them together, “screw you too then.”

There’s a beat of silence and then, “did you really come up to the roof just so you could blaspheme?”

In normal circumstances Ava would probably have jumped at the voice that appeared so out of the blue. But she’s so tired and worn out that all she does is chuckle. She hears footsteps approach and soon enough, Beatrice is leaning down and gracefully crossing her legs to Ava’s left. She’s forgone the habit for now, her hair woven into a braid at the back of her head, and her eyes have the same dark bags underneath that match Lilith and Camila’s. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” Ava crosses her arms and slouches, feeling the weight of everything on her shoulders for the umpteenth time today. She feels the urge again, to reach out for a hand, for a hug, for something, but she refrains and digs her fingers into her biceps instead. “Lilith snores.” She adds with a wry smile.

Possibly against her better judgement, Beatrice snorts at the joke, her shoulders relaxing. Ava takes the moment to look at her: the line of her jaw, the smooth expanse of her cheeks, and the dark irises that seemed to say everything and nothing all at the same time. Beatrice was probably the most mysterious of all the sisters, and the one that Ava felt herself inexplicably drawn too. 

“Make all the jokes you want,” Beatrice says, finally looking at Ava. “But you can’t fool me that easily.”

“Who says I’m trying to fool you?” She says it with a twist of her lips and a raise of her eyebrow, but Beatrice just looks at her. Really looks at her. And Ava feels her next quip die somewhere in her throat, leaving nothing but air and honesty in its wake. 

“Ava.” She says her name so softly, so quietly that Ava misses it for a second. Then she’s meeting Beatrice’s eyes and she sees a mirror; sees herself and someone who’s not her all at once. She sees a kindred spirit and a stranger, a friend and an adversary, and she fights the urge to run. 

She clears her throat, “I actually couldn’t sleep.” She finally lands on, decides to go for a half-truth but not reveal the whole story. She hopes Beatrice doesn’t push her.

“Any particular reason why?” Beatrice says it with a twitch of her lips, implying that anything they experienced in the last twenty-four hours could probably be the cause, but asking her to spell it out anyways. Ava blows out a breath, a short laugh following as she thinks. 

Her answer comes soon enough. “I was thinking about Adriel and Father Vincent.” She says, the name of the man who betrayed all of them stinging the back of her throat, making her fingers clench in anger. She can recall the look of hurt and rage on Mary’s face when he joined Adriels side. “How Vincent wanted me to have the Halo.

“He said that it was destiny,” she leans back again, resting her weight on her hands against the roof tiles. “That if I have the Halo, then it was meant to be that way. But maybe he was lying.” She takes another deep breath, “maybe he wanted me to have the Halo so that it’d be easier to take it for himself and his _best friend._ ” She says the last two words with a scoff, to distract from what she’s actually feeling: that she’s fucking guilty. That the real reason that she had been up all night is that she couldn’t stop thinking about how she was the perfect person to inherit the Halo if Adriel was going to escape and take it back. That she was haunted by the fact that she was still a burden, even after leaving the orphanage and finding people she could love. That even if she tried, really tried, she still wasn’t good enough.

She swallows the lump in her throat; if there’s anything she doesn’t need right now its to be crying into Beatrice’s arms at 4am.

But her sister (friend? She’s not too sure what they are right now) stays silent; her mind working as she thinks through what she’s going to say next. Ava takes the silence to take a deep breath, smelling the freshness of the air and herby scent of the dewed grass and she angry and she _wants._

She wants something to be different. She wants her life to be different. She wants her friends safe and she wants the world not to be infested with demons. She wants to beat the shit out of Vincent and Adriel. But most of all, she wants to end this whole chain of Halo bearers that she was dragged into. 

“You’re right.” Beatrice says it so quietly that Ava misses it entirely but when it finally registers in her ears, she turns to Beatrice, surprised.

“You’re untrained.” Beatrice says, “undisciplined. Most of the time you look out for only yourself and you lack a decent amount of common sense.” Her words are delivered in such a straightforward, blunt manner that Ava laughs in response, hurt swirling around inside her, threatening to spill out of her in a bunch of words she doesn’t know how to control.

“And even with all those disadvantages,” Beatrice turns to face her again, her dark eyes boring into Ava’s. “You still came back.” Ava closes her mouth, watching Beatrice, waiting. “Vincent and Adriel thought they could take the Halo from you because you’re all those things I just said.” Beatrice leans forward, “but you’re missing the fact that _you still have it._

“You still have the Halo Ava.” Beatrice says, her eye calm and imploring at the same time. “You protected it, and you protected us.” Ava sucks in a breath but Beatrice keeps going, “instead of giving it up, instead of quitting, you dropped several feet of an ancient city on Adriels head.” Beatrice smiles, “then you got up and faced him after. You faced Lilith when she could have killed me earlier, you helped Mary recover Shannons journal.”

Beatrice is saying so much all at once and Ava feels overwhelmed, tries to stop it. “I mean yeah but-”

“You saved my life.” Beatrice says, her voice and eyes softening, and Ava stops. Watches Beatrice look at her, sees the gratitude and something else dance in her obsidian eyes. “That’s not nothing.

“They underestimated you.” She says, “and it’s because of that mistake that they don’t have the Halo right now.”

Ava swallows, she feels the warmth of tears start to well in her eyes and fights them back once again, but it’s clear that she’s losing the battle with herself. She must be more tired than she thought. 

“I told you before that you need to have trust in your sisters,” Beatrice says, and Ava feels her touch her. She looks down and watches as Beatrice gently wraps her fingers around Ava’s left hand, curling around her and warming her cold palms. “But you should trust yourself too.”

For a moment, Ava doesn’t know what to say. This moment feels bigger than her somehow; like something’s shifted, changed in the time that they’ve sat here. She shifts slowly, turns her hand over, feeling Beatrice’s fingers slide against hers, fitting into the slots between hers until their hands are tangled together between them. Beatrice sucks in a breath, stares at their entwined fingers, and squeezes Ava’s hand.

Just like that, Ava feels a little lighter. The tension in her shoulders starting to leech out of her the longer Beatrice holds her hand. She clears her throat, her lips curling into a smile. She wants to make a joke, to pull away from the seriousness of the moment, but when she looks at Beatrice, and sees the soft look on her face, she stops and just says what she really wants to say.

“Thanks,” she clears her throat, “I mean- thank you, Beatrice.” 

Beatrice doesn’t say anything, she just nods, her eyes soft, and squeezes Ava’s hand again.


End file.
